November 8th, 2010

*Female Asperger Syndrome Traits*

Appearance/Personal Habits

~Dresses comfortably due to sensory issues and practicality. *Yes*

I've been wearing pajama pants and sweatshirts for as long as I can remember. I can't stand turtlenecks and would tug at them constantly as a child. I still can't stand anything touching my throat. There are even times I have to stretch my neck because my own skin bothers me. You'll very rarely find me in a t-shirt or shorts because I can't handle my arms or legs being exposed. I also can't walk barefoot around the house because crumbs on my feet drive me completely batty, but I also have to sleep barefoot. I'll toss and turn until I remember to take my socks off...lol. Practicality meets fashion? I have one pair of security boots, one pair of tennis shoes, and one pair of flip-flops...when one pair wears out I toss them and get a new one.

~Will not spend much time on grooming and hair. *Yes*

I absolutely hate dealing with my hair. I'm prematurely gray and eventually get around to dying it every couple months, but I get a haircut once a year, if that. I'm a pony tail girl all the way. I've never had a regular stylist and I only wear make-up if I'm going somewhere important--not to the grocery store. On the occasions I have gone to a stylist, I've keep it up for a few weeks, but then quit.

~Eccentric personality, may be reflected in appearance. *Occasionally*

Probably far more so when I was younger. I went through a tattoo and piercing stage so I probably don't blend with the church crowd so much, but I've toned it down some. When I was a child/teen it was really bad because I had zero fashion sense. Inside my home, I have to be surrounded by odd things/many colors. As much as I'd like to be one of those Martha Stewart decorators with neutral walls and mahogany furniture, I wind up living in something that looks like a circus trailer. I know one reason I isolate myself from specific in-person relationships is because I like to remain on the outside and see things in my own way, without having to play a socially acceptable role for everyone.

~Youthful for her age in looks, behaviors, tastes, and dress. *Yes*

Yep. Forever 21. I'm facing 40 and still feel like a kid. I may be a little wiser at this age, but in a lot of ways I feel inadequate for someone who's middle aged, and my living situation reflects that in many ways. There are also times when I react in ways that are overly emotional/immature, and I know I'm doing it, but can't seem to get a grip.

~Expressive in facial gestures. *Yes*

I haaaate my face! I catch myself making super stupid faces when I'm alone, and even talking to myself or reciting lines from book/movies that run through my head. Now, I know better than to do things like that when people are around, but I've used the term "facial aerobics" to describe myself in company because I'm almost too expressive.

~Androgynous traits. May think of herself as half male/half female. *Yes*

I remember doing an IQ test in fifth grade, and when the woman scored it, she told me I was sexually confused. Really? How is a 5th grader supposed to understand what the hell that even MEANS? Where this comes into play the most, I think, is in how I carry myself. I'm very independent and mechanically intelligent and have always taken care of myself/done the traditional "boy jobs" (Like installing ceiling fans or running cable through walls). I don't carry myself like a man, but I'm not overtly feminine, either.

~No strong sense of identity, can be very chameleon like. *Yes*

I've said this about myself for years and continually tried to pry myself apart looking for some kind of "me". Not knowing who you really are is akin to being a man without a country. Comments from my mother, such as, "I can tell how you feel by what you're wearing," or, "You can be so classy when you try," only confirm this one for me. I am the supreme queen of shaping and molding myself to any crowd or situation. For years, I felt like there was no real me, only slices of pretend people glued together. As I get older, though, the facade peels away and a person I'm eager to know better emerges.

 ~Enjoys reading and films as a retreat. Often sci-fi, fantasy, children's.*Yes*

This is soooo funny. I am all those things to a T. I don't like to watch regular television, but I am a sucker for sci-fi, even more so the fantasy/children's movies and novels. My favorite books/movies of all time? Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter. Voila!

~Uses control as stress management technique; rules, discipline, rigid in certain habits. *yes*

This is one of the aspects about myself that I dislike the most--my rigid nature and my control freakisms. They ruined my marriage (for my part). I'm unable to lower the standards for my surroundings, and it's not so much that I'm a clean freak, but things have their place and jobs are done a certain way. If anyone does a job differently or puts something away in the wrong spot, I can't leave it alone and walk away, and can even be downright mean because I expect everyone to know that "THIS is how it's done!" and "THIS is where it goes!" I can even see that part of myself coming out in the repetition of this paragraph...lol

~Usually happiest at home or in some other controlled environment. *Yes*

Thank the flying spaghetti monster for my home! I certainly qualify as an extreme introvert. I even go through times of paranoia where I can't open the blinds/answer the front door/pick up the phone, but those occasions are rare and I can be snapped out of it by taking Prozac or something similar for a month or two. I go to the same grocery store, gas station, and coffee shop when I do go anywhere. But I honestly leave my house once a week. Maybe twice if the situation calls for it.

*More on this tomorrow*